Welcome to The Wholehearted Mom Podcast!
Today I get to interview the lovely Jess Morlan. Jess is a registered nurse turned stay-at-home mom/work-from-home mom of 3 littles, 5 and under. She has experience working as a perinatal public health nurse and bedside pediatric nurse. Her professional and personal experience come together to form the foundation of her work as the founder of For Love of Mom and Baby. Jess helps new moms find calm and confidence in
their transition into motherhood through a strengths-based, one-to-one coaching program.
In this episode Jess shares some strategies with us for how to curate your village. Jess educates us on the difference between a support person and a visitor and how to set limits/boundaries for each group so you can save your energy.
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Sarah Reckman
Episode #12: Curating Your Village: an "invite only" approach
Episode highlights...
as you get into motherhood and you have your first baby, I realize that your village should be made by you.
YOUR VILLAGE SHOULD BE CHOSEN BY YOU.
“It should be chosen. It’s a privilege to be in your village, and you don’t have to just allow everybody, and anybody that wants to help you into your village just because you need help. You can actually be selective and choose who is good for you and your values and what your goals are as a mom.”
HOW DO YOU IDENTIFY A SUPPORT PERSON FROM A VISITOR?
“the way I usually like to explain it to a mom and help her understand who her support people and her visitors are is a few questions.
How do you feel when you’re around that person? Do you feel supported? Do you feel built up? Do you feel like yourself, like your authentic self? Or do you feel like maybe you have to prepare a little bit for them? You have to tie up and you have to be a little more careful about the things that you say. What kind of preparation when you invite someone over or when even when you’re going to call somebody? Do you feel like they see you as a good mom”
TIPS FOR SETTING BOUNDARIES
“There’s all obviously boundaries with both support people and visitors, but it would be important for you to know and identify those who’s my support person, who’s my visitor, and have boundaries for both separately.
Clear open communication and respectful. Knowing it is ok to set boundaries. A big part of setting boundaries is adjusting our expectations and the expectations of those around us.
TIPS FOR SELF-CARE WHEN A VISITOR IS COMING
“if I know that a visitor is coming, I would buffer around that visit. Some self care, some prep, maybe I’d have the cleaning lady come before knowing that that’s someone that I might rush to clean up the house for.
Or, maybe you don’t have time to the day before so you set up a recovery plan.
For example: I’m gonna take the next day to make sure that I’m not doing back to back visitors. The next day I’ll recoup. I’ll take it slower and I’ll set myself up for some extra self care. Maybe even have someone come and do some house cleaning or plan to have take out. “
Rapid Fire: Mom Guest Mom Questions...
#1. What is one thing that you long?
“I really long for a slower pace life, you know, simplicity really a life that doesn’t have so much noise.
Noise of social media and everybody’s opinions that you have to constantly work on drowning out and amplifying those positive messages of support.”
#2. As a working mom, what keeps you up at night?
“I think just wondering what’s gonna happen.
You know, what’s gonna happen? Who are my kids gonna be? Are we gonna move, Are we gonna have another baby? All those questions you’re making decisions and you’re trying to stay present, but also you just wonder what’s in store for you, for your family.”
#3. What is one lesson you've learned along the way that you feel is important to pass on to other working moms?
“I think my biggest lesson that I’ve learned is, That you’re irreplaceable. It’s easy when you’re a working mom to feel like I’m doing a bad job at work.
I’m doing a bad job at home. I’m half here, half there, and you start to question like, Well, they’d be better off hiring somebody else, or My kids would be better off if there was a mom that would, you know, stay home with them all the time, or do this or do that.
And I think just leaning into the fact that you’re irreplaceable in both areas because you have your own unique strengths. You have your own unique goodness, and something you bring to the table that nobody else can. So to stop questioning if anybody else can do it better. Because they can’t. Right. They can’t be you better than you can, you know?”