Welcome to The Wholehearted Mom Podcast! It’s our launch season and I am so honoured to have you here. You’ll be glad you joined.
In this episode:
- We will expose the lies hot mess mom culture tells us
- Why these lies are harmful
- What identity we should strive for instead
- and steps we can take to unsubscribe from this hot mess mom culture
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I appreciate you so much for showing up and joining this amazing working mom community we are starting. Thanks for listening and for your support.
#inthistogether
Sarah Reckman
Episode #6: How You Can Unsubscribe From Hot Mess Mom Culture
We are going to have a little pep talk today.
We as moms need to stop identifying as hot mess moms. Sure it’s fun to throw out a #hotmessmom when everything feels like its going wrong or is complete chaos. And I understand that identifying as a hot mess mom may help you connect with other moms because of a shared enemy or experience. But I think deep down it is actually causing more harm than good.
Just like the Pinterest perfect mom comes with a set of unhealthy expectations, so does the hot mess mom as it glorifies and promotes toxic coping strategies and encourages moms to play the victim.
If you look at how a hot mess mom’s life is portrayed in movies or social media you will get the impression that motherhood is constantly overwhelming, exhausting, messy, and joyless.
Together we are going to put a hard stop to that.
You might be thinking ok what exactly do you mean by hot mess mom.
When I Googled hot mess mom these are some of the characteristics that came up…
- Not sure when you showered last
- Wearing clothes from the closet floor (because who has time to wash and put away the laundry)
- Being fashionably late to everything – always rushed
- A mom who forgets everything until the last minute
- A mom who wears workout clothes but never actually makes it to the gym
- Don’t even think about looking in a hot mess mom’s car or house as it always looks like a bomb went off.
- A mom who requires multiple coffees a day just to function and usually reheats it 5x before finally just drinking it cold.
Although the term isn’t in the dictionary, I’m guessing you’ve heard or used it before. I know I sure have.
That is until I decided I no longer wanted to identify as a hot mess mom – until I decided I want to journey towards becoming a wholehearted mom instead. I wanted something different for my motherhood than what was being portrayed in popular mom culture.
Mama, if you call yourself a hot mess mom or feel like you resonate with many of the things listed in that definition there is absolutely no judgement! None. Here at the wholehearted mom we choose grace and empathy over shame and judgement. I have been there.
And at the same time, I want you to know that your motherhood doesn’t have to be defined by those things.
You can have a motherhood where
- You have systems and habits in place that let you feel organized and in control.
- You schedule time to meal plan and prep for the week ahead
- Oh and hae time for yourself to shower and workout
- Where you have the energy and brain space to parent with intention
- And you feel balanced, calm and confident
That version of motherhood sounds more like something I want to be defined by.
Now, at the beginning of every episode I say we’re going to have honest conversations both about the messy and beautiful part of motherhood. So, I want to be real here..
There are still many days where I have moments when my motherhood or life feels like a hot mess. Where I feel overwhelmed, reactive, and not in control. Because let’s be real we are human and no matter how good our systems are we aren’t perfect and life throws curve balls.
But here is the difference, I have “hot mess mom” moments but I am not a hot mess mom and I do not allow these moments to define me.
If you listen to my podcast regularly you will start to hear me say this often – the first step towards change is always awareness. We need to train our brain to recognize when we are subscribing to hot mess mom culture. When I catch myself thinking #hotmessmom I stop myself and choose to have a different mindset.
I want to share with you 3 ways you can shift from being a “hot mess mom” to a Wholehearted Mom.
1.Embrace a Wholehearted Mom mindset.
We get to choose how we interpret each thought, action, and circumstance. Are you going to see the world through the hot mess mom lens where things are hard, we are incompetent, a world view of lack and scarcity, where we are the victims of motherhood? Or Are you going to see the world through the Wholehearted Mom lens?
When I wear my Wholehearted Moms glasses I see...
- Is able to let go of what others think and embrace her authentic self.
- Gives herself permission to complete the stress cycle and turns inward with kindness and compassion.
- Is aware of her inner world and needs
- Has the courage to express those needs
- Embraces vulnerability
- Has kindness, gentleness, and wisdom flowing from her.
- Lives with intention and is thoughtful
- Has good boundaries
- Can embrace imperfect action feeling free from perfectionism.
- Is calm even when she feels stressed or overwhelmed
- And when she isn’t calm she is able to gracefully apologize
- Appreciates a minimal lifestyle for the sake of enjoying more of what matters
- Radiates beauty because she knows her value
- Own her story, heartaches and challenges
- Strives to do her best but not perfection
- Free from shame and harnesses guilt to do better next time
- Has the courage to advocate for what matters to her
- Smiles often – because kindness and positivity go a long way
- Is grounded in her relationships
- Enjoys being organized but is not rigid
- Is creative – I believe we were all meant to create
- Moves through life with an abundance mindset
- Take pride in caring for herself and her home
- And lastly, a wholehearted mom parents from a place of love, belonging and courage.
Wow. I want to be like her.
2. Create systems and habits that serve you and your family.
We are wired to create habits so that our body and mind can save energy and time. It’s a survival mechanism. One of the habits that is just wired into my brain is always unplugging the toaster or hair straightener when I’m done with it. Or maybe your habit is to always lock the door after going in your home. Our brain likes when things run on auto-pilot so it can save energy. The problem is when the things running on auto-pilot aren’t serving us.
In my support group for moms, Mom CEO, We talk a lot about habits and how to create new habits that are aligned with our values and the vision we have for our lives. Some of the habits that we talk about are time blocking, anchors and rhythms, and the To Do list. All of these habits allow us to use our time more efficiently and wisely. Leaving us more time for the things that matter most to us.
3. Live with intention
My absolute favourite quote by James Clear is “Every action we take is a vote towards the person we become”
When I heard this quote I had a huge AH-HA moment. Every decision I make, every action I take is a vote either towards the person I want to become or towards the current person I am trying to change.
So, as you are navigating life you can ask yourself are the thoughts I am thinking right now, or the choices I am making casting a vote towards the person I want to become (a wholehearted mom) or towards the person I am trying to change (a hot mess mom)?
There is one small catch here… you actually have to know who you want to become as a mom and what your values are. If this is something you’d like to dive deeper into check out Episode #2 – How to realign your working mom life with your values.
Taking action
Being a good mom with a meaningful career definitely has its challenges. There are many things to juggle and some really important things that demand your time and energy. But that doesn’t mean we as working moms can’t be seen as calm, organized, and happy.
We achieve this by making life simpler, balanced, and more joy-filled – by becoming wholehearted moms.
Are you ready to unsubscribe from hot mess mom culture and start living with intention – from a place of worthiness and abundance?
Yes? Eek! I’m excited for you. What is going to be your first right step toward getting there?
If you are looking for support with that I have one for you… joining mom coaching with me. Whether that’s through my group coaching Mom CEO or private coaching package I want to help you create a plan and help you show up in this world as the kickass women you were meant to be!