Is Balance Really Achievable For A Working Mom?

Welcome to The Wholehearted Mom Podcast! It’s our launch season and I am so honoured to have you here. You’ll be glad you joined.

In this episode:

we will expand your understanding of balance
we will talk about the controversial topic of emotional vibration states
I will share with you 10 things you can do to create balance in your life
I will share how we can help you achieve that feeling of balance together.

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#inthistogether

Sarah Reckman

Episode #4 - Is balance really achievable for a working mom?

The question I get asked all the time is, is balance really achievable for a working mom? And the answer is…. Heck yes!

BUT only if you have the right definition and expectations around balance. There are so many misconceptions out there about working moms achieving or experiencing balance and we need to call them out.

There are too many moms who have been told “life is so busy and stressful, you can’t find balance”, “balance is found in a perfectly time blocked scheduled… you know the one that are all colour coded and booked up?, “I don’t feel balanced so I guess I am just a hot-mess mom”

Mama, don’t believe these lies!

We are going to call them out by diving deeper into some of the myths mom culture tells us about balance and replace those myths with facts and strategies.

So many moms I’ve worked with are longing for that feeling of balance – a feeling of being content, at peace and not pulled in a million directions while drowning in mom guilt.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret I discovered….

Balance is not found in a perfect schedule, a low-stress job, a family-friendly company or a supportive husband. Balance is a feeling. It’s literally found inside my body, which means I need to look inside of me to create it.” (Rebecca Olson)

Balance is achievable but only if we have the right mindset and tools to use to create balance.

I know when I hear the word balance I picture the old fashioned weight scale with two dishes hanging on each side. But life balance is not about a 50/50 measurement. Instead, it’s about doing the right things at the right time.

If you’re like me you are a mom who loves systems, organization, and being in control. These things help me thrive. Or so I thought. Until I had a 2 year old, a newborn and developed postpartum anxiety.

My world crashed as I no longer had control over my world. Balance felt so unattainable. It took 4 years but eventually I was able to learn that balance comes from within and to shift my expectations to be supportive of my well-being.

I’m a system person. And I love time blocking but we need to be intentional about keeping our mindset towards balance in check. Ie. doing the right things at the right time.

This means when you are sick and can’t do everything you planned, you need to prioritzie what is needed most and let the rest go. In certain seasons that may mean some tasks or expectations need to be changed or boundaries need to be put in place.

Balance As A Vibration State

I was recently listening to a workshop by Suzy Holman and she was talking about her learnings on vibration levels and the different emotions we experience at the different vibration levels. And something clicked – balance has a vibration level.

Ok I may have lost some of you so let me back this train up a bit. You may be like vibration what?

I know that there is controversy around some of the vibration state research or you may not be a full believer but that’s ok just hear me out. And ps. I am also just recently learning all of this stuff about vibration levels.

The underlying themes and concepts are very familiar to me as a social worker so it kinda just made sense when I heard it explained in terms of vibration states. Ok ok… I know I am still getting ahead of myself…. Here we go…

David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., an internationally renowned spiritual teacher, psychiatrist, physician, researcher, and developer of the widely-known Map of Consciousness, presents a diagram of vibrational states of being in his book Power vs. Force. This diagram matches the vibrational frequency of its corresponding emotion. He mentions that 99% of the world’s population is living at a contracted frequency (below 200). Thus, the vast majority of humanity is either suffering or just getting by. To live in flow, in love, and in peace, you need to raise your vibration to match that of which you wish to attract.

Elevate Your Vibration

Emotions As Energy

In an article by Dr. Hill & Dr. Kim they talk about the neuroscience behind emotions and explain that, “what we think of as emotion is the experience of energy moving through the body. This is generally felt as sensations of contraction such as tension or expansion such as calm. The Latin derivative for the word emotion, ’emotere’, literally means energy in motion.

It is the feeling sensation and physiological reaction that makes a specific emotion positive or negative. Feeling is what you label as anger, sadness, joy or fear. It is then your interpretations or thoughts about emotional energy that give it meaning. Understanding that emotions are energy implies that they are fluid, moving resources meant to be felt and released vs. suppressed and ignored. The latter is the true culprit of low emotional intelligence and stress burnout.”

Sarah's summary

Basically in Sarah terms this theory states that every emotion in life has a vibration level. And that certain emotions and thought patterns such as joy, peace, and acceptance, create high frequency vibrations, while other feelings and mindsets (such as anger, guilt, and fear) vibrate at a lower rate. I know this might sound a bit who hoo but I want you to think about this example.

Have you ever walked into a room after two people have been arguing and you can feel the tension in that room? That would be you feeling their vibration level or the energy their creating. Another example is when people talk about someone’s aura or how that person gives off good vibes or negative vibes… you know those people who just feel good to be around? That is because they are expanding or vibrating at a higher level and it is radiating. It often even feels contagious. It can also go the same way with a super grumpy person.

the point...

Anyway, whether you call it energy, vibration levels, contracting and expanding, or the mind’s ability to read emotions based on external factors it all comes down to this…. I believe balance is a feeling or a state of being.

Balance is an internal experience and we can use different strategies to help take ourselves from guilty, stressed, or discontent to a feeling of balance. If I was to place balance on the vibration scale somewhere, I would put it just above acceptance.

Being an intentional mom

Part of the journey to becoming a mom who feels balanced is to be an intentional mom – one who is constantly reflecting on what she needs and wants, and what works for her family. If you’ve been around here for a bit you’ll know that being an intentional mom is all part of the ultimate journey of becoming a Wholehearted Mom.

In fact, all of the lessons in my Mom CEO group coaching program give you the tools and mindset shifts you need in order to be that intentional mom who feels balanced, confident, and calm.

Since I don’t have the time to go into the same depth as my coaching program I have compiled a list of 10 things you can do to work towards that feeling of balance.

10 things you can do to work towards that feeling of balance

1. Identify your season

Reflect on what season you are currently in. The season that you are in will direct your needs and expectations.

2. Separate Work From Home

This statement obviously means different things for different mamas depending on your life of work. However for all working moms it is super important to create space that is intentional home time and intentional work time. Reflect on what that definition looks like for you and your family and create boundaries to support that decision.

3. Schedule the Time

Create systems, routines, and habits such as time blocking and weekly prep meetings to best serve you and your family. Our brains really like when things are automated so they can preserve energy for the things that matter most.

4. Practice Self-care

Practicing self-care means two things. 1) being intentional about blocking off time for you to do things that you love and brings you joy and calm and 2) embracing a mindset of self-care. This may mean being very intention throughout your day of self-talk and how you treat yourself.

5. Ask for or Hire Help

Delegate mama! There is no shame in asking for help. It truly does take a village to raise a child and care for a mother. And it’s even way more fun and enjoyable to do it with a village. Depending on your life circumstance this may mean different things for different mamas. If you are tight on finances maybe its finding another mom who you can swap child-care with. Take turns having each other’s kids so you get a day a week or month with no kids. For other moms this may mean hiring a house cleaner or ordering a weekly FoodBox.

6. Disconnect to Reconnect

Create some serious boundaries around your phone. I find that when I am struggling with my motivation and well-being my phone usage goes up when instead my self-care time should be going up. One of the best things I ever did to help disconnect and create boundaries around my phone was to turn off my notification settings for social media and to take the icons off my home screen.

7. Simplify

I cannot express how important simplifying life and your stuff is for you mental health and well-being. There is so much research that shows a correlation between the amount of stuff in your home and calendar and your stress level. How can you choose to make things simpler in your life? I ask myself this everytime I start to feel stressed. I stop and say, ok Sarah how can I let this be easy or how can I make this simple?

8. Accept imperfections

This goes back to my motto of grace over guilt and doing the right things at the right time. When we are intentional and focused on our values and vision we can more easily let go of the things, thoughts, and expectations that don’t serve us.

9. Make a mommy alliance

Find your village. When I interviewed moms about one piece of advice they would share with other moms they almost all said “create a mommy community to laugh with, cry with, who lifts you up and keeps you accountable.

10. Don't compare/judge

Know that you are good enough. You are a good mom. No matter how much you do or don’t do by the end of the day, know that you are still good enough.

Summary

I truly hope that episode created a mindset shift for you around balance and gives you some ideas for how you can begin to create balance in your own life. Remember what Rebecca said,

So now if someone asks you the ultimate question…. Is balance really achievable for a working mom you can proudly say… yes!

Let’s have a heart-to-heart moment… throughout different seasons of my life such as when I was feeling super stressed, experiencing mom burnout, or going through big work/life transitions balance felt unachievable and I could have really used what I know now back then to help me make my motherhood more simple, balanced, and joy-filled.

If you are in one of those seasons of life right now and could use some coaching, tools, strategies, and an amazing mom community to journey with then I encourage you to join my Mom CEO program. We will help you go from surviving to thriving in just 10 weeks. I want to help you become a kick-ass CEO of your home and life! Go to www.sarahreckman.com/gropucoaching to learn more.